FwdForwards

This is how I feel about buying apps - The Oatmeal

2011-02-21T18:23:00.001-06:00

via theoatmeal.com

Today's BIG Fail - Spectacular Fireworks

2011-02-21T18:21:00.001-06:00

via todaysbigfail.com

14 Useful Tools for your Kitchen

2011-02-21T18:14:00.001-06:00

via toxel.com

Epic Paradox

2011-02-20T18:46:00.001-06:00

via s-ak.buzzfed.com

Emoticon

2011-02-16T00:05:00.001-06:00

via erdemuyguner.com

Photos: Streets in the World

2010-08-10T01:07:00.000-05:00

Photo: Balloon Outfits

2010-02-25T19:30:00.001-06:00

Photo: Oh Bugger' Moments

2010-02-02T18:27:00.002-06:00

Photo: Garage Door Paints

2010-02-02T18:27:00.001-06:00

Photo: Can-Struction

2009-12-14T23:52:00.000-06:00

Photo: Top Ten of Everything

2009-12-10T19:35:00.000-06:00

Photo: The History of the Middle Finger

2009-12-08T16:57:00.002-06:00

I never knew this before, and now that I know it, I feel compelled to send it on to my more intelligent friends in the hope that they, too, will feel edified. Isn't history more fun when you know something about it? Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore they would be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous English longbow was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as 'plucking the yew' (or 'pluck yew').
Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, See, we can still pluck yew! Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodentals fricative F', and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute! It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as 'giving the bird.'
IT IS STILL AN APPROPRIATE SALUTE TO THE FRENCH TODAY!
And yew thought yew knew every plucking thing

Photo: Christmas Trees From Around The World

2009-12-08T16:44:00.000-06:00

Photo: Mr. Stan Munro of Syracuse, NY works with Toothpicks

2009-12-08T14:46:00.000-06:00

Photo: The Art of Origami

2009-11-14T15:35:00.001-06:00

Photo: Northern Lights Over Teepees

2009-11-14T15:34:00.001-06:00

Photo: Great Animal Photos

2009-10-13T01:18:00.000-05:00

Photo: Funny Newspaper Headlines

2009-09-20T23:25:00.000-05:00

Photo: Sleeping Pets

2009-09-11T15:03:00.000-05:00

Text: Random thoughts from people that were born in the early 80s...

2009-08-24T17:29:00.002-05:00

-I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

-I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

-That's enough, Nickelback.

-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

-There is a great need for sarcasm font.

-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.

-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

- A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

- Was learning cursive really necessary?

- Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

-I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

- Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

- My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.

- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

- I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."

-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

- Bad decisions make good stories

-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

- Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

-When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

-Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

-It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

-My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

-It really pisses me off when I want to read a story onhttp://www.facebook.com/l/;CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

-I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

-I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

-I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

-The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.

Text: Computers

2009-07-20T13:05:00.001-05:00

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,

'If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.'

In response to Bill 's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash.........Twice a day.

2.Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3.Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation' warning light.

I love the next one!!!

7. The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9.. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the engine off.

PS - I'd like to add that when all else fails, you could call 'customer service' in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself!!!!

Photo: Water Bridge Over a River

2009-07-20T13:03:00.000-05:00

Even after you see it, it is still hard to believe!
Water Bridge in Germany . What a feat!
Six years, 500 million euros, 918 meters long........now this is engineering!
This is a channel-bridge over the River Elbe and joins the former East and West Germany ,
as part of the unification project. It is located in the city of Magdeburg , near Berlin .
The photo was taken on the day of inauguration.
To those who appreciate engineering projects, here's a puzzle for you armchair engineers
and physicists.
Did that bridge have to be designed to withstand the additional weight of ship and barge traffic,
or just the weight of the water?

Answer:
It only needs to be designed to withstand the weight of the water!
Why? A ship always displaces an amount of water that weighs the same as the ship,
regardless of how heavily a ship may be loaded.

Photo: Beautiful Gardens

2009-07-13T19:50:00.000-05:00

Photo: Aeroscraft Dwarfs

2009-07-13T19:46:00.002-05:00

Even though the Aeroscraft dwarfs the largest commercial airliners, it requires less net space on the ground than any plane because it doesn't need a runway. The airship takes off and lands like a helicopter, straight up and down.

This is not a Blimp. It's a sort of flying Queen Mary 2 that could change the way you think about air travel. It's the Aeroscraft, and when it's completed, it will ferry pampered passengers across continents and oceans as they stroll leisurely about the one-acre cabin or relax in their staterooms.

Unlike its dirigible ancestors, the Aeroscraft is not lighter than air. Its 14 million cubic feet of helium hoist only two-thirds of the craft's weight... The rigid and surprisingly aerodynamic body, driven by huge rear-ward propellers, generates enough additional lift to keep the behemoth and its 400-ton payload aloft while cruising.

During takeoff and landing, six turbo-fan jet engines push the ship up or ease its descent. This two-football-fields-long airship is the brainchild of Igor Pasternak, whose privately funded California firm, Worldwide Aeros Corporation, is in the early stages of developing a prototype and expects to have one completed by 2010.

Pasternak says several cruise ship companies have expressed interest in the project, and for good reason - the craft would have a range of several thousand miles, and, with an estimated top speed of 174 mph, could traverse the continental United States in about 18 hours .

During the flight, passengers would view national landmarks just 8,000 feet below, or, if they weren't captivated by the view, the cavernous interior would easily accommodate such amenities as luxury staterooms, restaurants - - even a casino .

To minimize noise, the aft-mounted propellers will be electric, powered by a renewable source such as hydrogen fuel cells. A sophisticated buoyancy - management system will serve the same purpose as trim on an airplane, allowing for precise adjustments in flight dynamics to compensate for outside conditions and passenger movement.

The automated system will draw outside air into compartments throughout the ship and compress it to manage onboard weight.

(On a pressurized plane, windows like these would explode outward. The Aeroscraft would not fly high enough to need pressurization )

The company envisions a cargo-carrying version that could deliver a store's worth of merchandise from a centralized distribution center straight to a Wal-Mart parking lot, or, because the helium-filled craft will float, a year's worth of supplies to an offshore oil rig .

'You can land on the snow, you can land on the water, 'Pasternak says. 'It's a new vision of what can be done in the air.'

Aeroscraft

Purpose - Long-range travel for passengers who are more concerned with the journey than the destination.. Now this is really neat ! ! !

Dimensions (feet): 165' H x 244' W x 647' L

HUMONGOUS ! !

Photo: Shoes

2009-07-13T14:57:00.000-05:00

Photo: Just when you thought all the good ideas were taken..

2009-06-23T22:09:00.000-05:00

Photo: Name the pictures

2009-05-07T20:46:00.001-05:00

Photo: Bald Eagles in Comox, B.C

2009-05-04T19:19:00.000-05:00

Photo: Cool Photos 2009

2009-05-04T19:17:00.000-05:00

Photo: Easter Candy - Real Life

2009-04-13T13:05:00.002-05:00

Photo: Grill

2009-04-05T15:03:00.000-05:00

FREE GRILLS AND GRILLING TIPS

As every Southerner knows, come spring it will be time to get ready for that all-important cooking technique of the south...outdoor grilling! Great for those weekends at the lake!

I have just found out there are several stores (not just in the South) where you can get a FREE Bar-B-Q grill! In these hard economic times that is sure to excite everybody!

You can get a free BBQ grill from any of the following stores:

A&P
Albertsons
Bi-Lo

Big Star

Kroger

Save-A-Lot

Food Giant

Aldi
Costco
Food Lion
Fry's
HEB
Home Depot
Ingles
Big Lots
Bloom
Brookshire's
Lowes
Publix
Sam's Club
Target
Vons
Trader Joe's
Wal-Mart
Winn-Dixie

I especially like the higher rack...which can be used for keeping things warm!
And look at those bread warmers.how handy is that!!??

Just make sure to get a metal one instead of the plastic variety if you have a
choice...the plastic ones don't do so well.

Happy Grilling and ya'll enjoy now! J

Photo: Beautiful Photos

2009-04-05T15:02:00.000-05:00

Link: 60-foot penis painted on roof

2009-04-05T15:00:00.001-05:00

http://news.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/hi/newsbeat/newsid_7961000/7961224.stm

Photo: Another SMART Florida Road Sign

2009-04-05T14:58:00.000-05:00

Photo : Flasher

2009-04-05T14:55:00.000-05:00

Photo: 99 Seinfeld References

2009-04-05T14:54:00.002-05:00

Photo: Unbelievable House Locations

2009-02-19T12:05:00.001-06:00

Photo: Seeing is not believing...

2009-02-11T19:35:00.001-06:00

Photo: 2008 Hangover Finalists

2009-02-11T19:32:00.000-06:00

Photo: More Photos

2009-02-11T19:31:00.001-06:00

Text: Darwin Awards

2009-02-11T19:27:00.001-06:00

Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

Here is the glorious winner:

1. When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine, and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from being hit by an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with your friends and family... Unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long-lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

Text: Stupid People

2009-01-25T17:08:00.003-06:00

'Millionaire' Contestant Makes Worst Use Of Lifelines Ever

NEW YORK - Idaho resident Kathy Evans brought humiliation to her friends and family Tuesday when she set a new standard for stupidity with her appearance on the popular TV show, 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.'
It seems that Evans, a 32-year-old wife and mother of two, got stuck on the first question, and proceeded to make what fans of the show are dubbing 'the absolute worst use of lifelines ever.'

After being introduced to the show's host Meredith Vieira, Evans assured her that she was ready to play, whereupon she was posed with an extremely easy $100 question. The question was: 'Which of the following is the largest?'
A) A Peanut
B) An Elephant
C) The Moon
D) Hey, who you calling large?

Immediately Mrs. Evans was struck with an all consuming panic as she realized that this was a question to which she did not readily know the answer.
'Hmm, oh boy, that's a toughie,' said Evans, as Vieira did her level best to hide her disbelief and disgust. 'I mean, I'm sure I've heard of some of these things before, but I have no idea how large they would be.'

Evans made the decision to use the first of her three lifelines, the 50/50. Answers A and D were removed, leaving her to decide which was bigger, an elephant or the moon. However, faced with an incredibly easy question, Evans still remained unsure.

'Oh! It removed the two I was leaning towards!' exclaimed Evans. 'Darn. I think I better phone a friend.'
Using the second of her two lifelines on the first question, Mrs. Evans asked to be connected with her friend Betsy, who is an office assistant.

'Hi Betsy! How are you? This is Kathy! I'm on TV!' said Evans, wasting the first seven seconds of her call. 'Ok, I got an important question. Which of the following is the largest? B, an elephant, or C, the moon. 15 seconds hun.'

Betsy quickly replied that the answer was C, the moon. Evans proceeded to argue with her friend for the remaining ten seconds.
'Come on Betsy, are you sure?' said Evans. 'How sure are you? Duh, that can't be it.'

To everyone's astonishment, the moronic Evans declined to take her friend's advice and pick 'The Moon.'
'I just don't know if I can trust Betsy. She's not all that bright. So I think I'd like to ask the audience,' said Evans.

Asked to vote on the correct answer, the audience returned 98% in favor of answer C, 'The Moon.' Having used up all her lifelines, Evans then made the dumbest choice of her life.

'Wow, seems like everybody is against what I'm thinking,' said the too-stupid-to-live Evans. 'But you know, sometimes you just got to go with your gut. So, let's see. For which is larger, an elephant or the moon, I'm going to have to go with B, an elephant. Final answer.'

Evans sat before the dumbfounded audience, the only one waiting with bated breath, and was told that she was wrong, and that the answer was in fact, C, 'The Moon.'

Caution...they walk among us!

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This one is actually better! (No comments needed!)

Caution... They Walk Among Us!
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Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it.' For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal.
It looked too good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.'
The next day someone stole it!

***They walk amongst us!***

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*One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted....'Look at that dead bird!' Someone looked up at the sky and said...'where?'

***They walk among us!!***

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While looking at a house, my brother asked the estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?' When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, 'Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff'

***They Walk Among Us!!***

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My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but 'didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving'.

***They Walk Among Us!!!!***

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My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped She keeps it in the trunk.

***They Walk Among Us!!!!!***

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I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, 'Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?' I had to explain that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned...

***They Walk Among Us!!!!!!! ***

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I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived yet?'...
(I work with professionals like this.)

***They Walk Among Us!!!!!!!!***

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While working at a pizza parlour I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.

***Yep, They Walk Among Us, too.!!!!!!!!

Sadly, not only do they walk among us, they also reproduce!!!!

Text: Old Girlfriend

2009-01-25T17:05:00.003-06:00

I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend this morning, called'out-of-the-blue' to see if I was still around. We lost track of time,chatting about the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that 'old magic'. 'Wow!' I was flabbergasted. 'I don't know if I could keep pace with you now', I said, 'I'm a bit older anda bit grayer and balder than when you last saw me. Plus I don't really have the energy I used to have.' She just giggled and said she was sure I would 'rise to the challenge'. 'Yeah.' I said. 'Just so long as you don't mind a waistline that's a few inches wider these days! Not to mention my total lack of muscle tone...everything is sagging, my teeth are a bit yellowed and I am developing jowls like a Great Dane!' She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me saying
that tubby, gra y haired, older men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover. Anyway, she giggled and said, 'I've
put on a few pounds myself!' So I told her to f off.

Photo: Trailer Trash

2009-01-25T17:05:00.001-06:00

Text: Are you smarter than a 1st grader?

2009-01-25T16:57:00.002-06:00

1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!

1. Don't change horses---------------until they stop running.
2. Strike while the---------------bug is close.
3. It's always darkest before---------------Daylight Saving Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of---------------termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but---------------How?
6. Don't bite the hand that---------------looks dirty.
7. No news is---------------impossible
8. A miss is as good as a ---------------Mr.
9. You can't teach an old dog new---------------Math
10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll---------------stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust---------------Me.
12. The pen is mightier than the---------------pigs.
13. An idle mind is---------------the best way to relax.
14. Where there's smoke there's---------------pollution.
15. Happy the bride who---------------gets all the presents.
16. A penny saved is---------------not much.
17. Two's company, three's---------------the Musketeers.
18. Don't put off till tomorrow what---------------you put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and---------------You have to blow your nose.
20. There are none so blind as---------------Stevie Wonder.
21.Children should be seen and not---------------spanked or grounded.
22. If at first you don't succeed---------------get new batteries.
23. You get out of something only what you---------------See in the picture on the box
24. When the blind lead the blind ---------------get out of the way.
25. A bird in the hand---------------is going to poop on you.
26. Better late than ---------------Pregnant

Photo: Just when you think its OK to take that picture

2009-01-25T16:56:00.001-06:00

Photo: Painted Cats

2009-01-18T14:15:00.000-06:00

Photo: New chalk art from Julian Beever

2009-01-18T14:07:00.000-06:00

Photo: Photography at the Right Angle

2009-01-18T13:19:00.000-06:00

Photo: Ice Sculptures

2009-01-18T13:13:00.000-06:00

Photo: Santa's Gmail Inbox

2008-12-14T18:45:00.000-06:00

Link: Funny Car Ad

2008-12-08T13:37:00.000-06:00

http://www.mydogscrap.com/ninjahauler.cfm

Photo: Feather Paintings

2008-12-08T13:36:00.000-06:00

Text: Did You Know?

2008-12-08T13:31:00.002-06:00

DID YOU KNOW?

Peel a banana from the bottom and you won't have to pick the little 'stringy things' off of it. That's how the primates do it. Take your bananas apart when you get home from the store. If you leave them connected at the stem, they ripen faster.

Store your opened chunks of cheese inaluminum foil. It will stay fresh much longer and not mold!

Peppers with 3 bumps on the bottom are sweeter and better for eating. Peppers with 4 bumps on the bottom are firmer and better for cooking.

Add a teaspoon of water when fryingground beef. It will help pull the grease away from the meat while cooking.

To really make scrambled eggs or omelets rich add a couple of spoonfuls of sour cream, cream cheese, orheavy cream in and then beat them up.

For a cool brownie treat, make brownies as directed. MeltAndesmints in double broiler and pour over warm brownies. Let set for a wonderful minty frosting.

Add garlic immediately to a recipe if you want a light taste of garlic and at the end of the recipe if your want a stronger taste of garlic.

Leftover snickers bars from Halloween make a delicious dessert. Simply chop them up with the food chopper. Peel, core and slice a few apples. Place them in a baking dish and sprinkle the chopped candy bars over the apples. Bake at 350
for 15 minutes!!!Serve alone or withvanilla ice cream. Yummm!

Reheat Pizza
Heat up leftover pizza in a nonstick skillet on top of the stove, set heat to med-low and heat till warm. This keeps the crust crispy. No soggy micro pizza. I saw this on the cooking channel and it really works.

EasyDeviled Eggs
Put cookedegg yolksin a zip lock bag. Seal, mash till they are all broken up. Add remainder of ingredients, reseal, keep mashing it up mixing thoroughly,cut the tip of the baggy, squeeze mixture into egg. Just throw bag away when done easy clean up.

Expanding Frosting
When you buy a container of cake frostingfrom the store, whip it with your mixer for a few minutes. You can double it in size. You get to frost more cake/cupcakes with the same amount. You also eat less sugar and calories per serving.

Reheating refrigerated bread
To warm biscuits, pancakes, or muffins that were refrigerated, place them in a microwave with a cup of water. The increased moisture will keep the food moist and help it reheat faster.

Newspaper weeds away
Start putting in your plants, work the nutrients in your soil. Wet newspapers,put layers around the plants overlapping as you go cover with mulch and for- get aboutweeds. Weeds will get through some gardening plastic they will not
get through wet newspapers.

Broken Glass
Use a wet cotton ball or Q-tip to pick up the small shards of glass you can't see easily.

No More Mosquitoes
Place a dryer sheet in your pocket. It will keep the mosquitoes away.

Squirrel Away!
To keep squirrels from eating your plants, sprinkle your plants withcayenne pepper. The cayenne pepper doesn't hurt the plant and the squirrels won't come near it.

Flexible vacuum
To get something out of a heat register or under the fridge add an empty paper towel roll or empty gift wrap roll to your vacuum. It can be bent or flattened to get in nar- row openings.

Reducing Static Cling
Pin a small safety pin to the seam of your slip and you will not have a clingy skirt or dress. Same thing works with slacks that cling when wearing panty hose. Place pin in seam of slacks and... ta da!... static is gone.

Measuring Cups
Before you pour sticky substances into ameasuring cup, fill with hot water. Dump out the hot water, but don't dry cup. Next, add your ingredient, such as peanut butter, and watch how easily it comes right out. Also I have heard that spraying the inside of the cup with PAM or the like will let sticky stuff slide right out.

FoggyWindshield?
Hate foggy windshields? Buy a chalkboard eraser and keep it in the glove box of your car When the windows fog, rub with the eraser! Works better than a cloth!

Reopening envelope
If you seal an envelope and then realize you forgot to include something inside, just place your sealed envelope in the freezer for an hour or two. Viola! It unseals easily.

Conditioner
Use yourhair conditionerto shave your legs. It's cheaper thanshaving creamand leaves your legs really smooth. It's also a great way to use up the conditioneryou bought but didn't like when you tried it in your hair.

Goodbye Fruit Flies
To get rid of pesky fruit flies, take a small glass, fill it 1/2' with Apple Cider Vinegar and 2 drops of dish washing liquid; mix well. You will find those flies drawn to the cup and gone forever!

Get Rid of Ants
Put small piles of cornmeal where you see ants. They eat it, take it 'home,' can't digest it so it kills them. It may take a week or so, especially if it rains, but it works and you don't have the worry about pets or small children being harmed!

Text: Airport Ticket Agent

2008-11-17T14:17:00.000-06:00

A DC airport ticket agent offers some examples of why our country is in trouble!

1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)

2. I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, then she interrupted me with, ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts .'' Without trying to make her look stupid, I calmly explained, ''Cape Cod is in Massachusetts , Capetown is in Africa .''
Her response - click.

3. A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando . He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, ''Don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!'' (OMG)

4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, ''Is it possible to see England from Canada ?'' I said, ''No.'' She said, ''But they look so close on the map.'' (OMG, again!)

5. An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas . When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas . When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.'' (Aghhhh)

6. An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m. I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.

7. A New York lawmaker called and asked, ''Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?''
I said, 'No, why do you ask?' She replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!'' After putting her on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno , CA is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

8. A Senator's aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii . After going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would it be cheaper to fly to California , and then take the train to Hawaii ?''

9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, ''How do I know which plane to get on?'' I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.''

10. A lady Senator called and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola , Florida . Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?'' I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola , FL on a commuter plane. She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''

11. A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China . After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa.' 'Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those.'' I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, ''Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!''

12. A New Mexico Congress woman called to make reservations, ''I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York .'' I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of the town?'' ''Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the lady. After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino anywhere.' ''The lady retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!'' So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ''You don't mean Buffalo , do you?'' The reply? ''Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.''

Photo: More reasons Why Dogs Hate Halloween

2008-11-05T14:29:00.000-06:00

Photo: Great Pumpkins

2008-11-05T14:24:00.000-06:00

Text: Spanish Words of the Day

2008-11-05T13:43:00.002-06:00

Spanish Words of the Day:

The teacher told Pepito to use these words in a sentence Pepito replies:

1. Cheese
Maria likes me, but Cheese fat.

2. Mushroom
When all my family get in the car, there's not mushroom.

3. Shoulder
My fren wanted 2 become a citizen but she didn't know how to read so I shoulder.

4. Body wash
I want to go to the club but no body wash my kids

5. Herpes
Me and my fren ordered pizza. I got mine piece and she got herpes.

6. July
Ju told me ju were going to tha store and July to me! Julyer!

7. Rectum
I had 2 cars Pero my wife rectum!

8. Chicken
I was going to go to the store with my wife but chicken go herself.

9. Wheelchair
We only have one enchalada left, but don't worry wheelchair

10. Chicken wing
My wife plays the lottery so chicken wing

11. Harassment
My wife caught me in bed with another women and I told her honey harassment nothing to me.

12. Bishop
My wife fell down the stair so I had to pick the bishop

Photo: Chicago Cubs Posters

2008-10-16T15:38:00.001-05:00

Photo: Halloween is gonna suck this year.

2008-10-16T15:34:00.000-05:00

Photo: Modern Toilet' is a Taipei restaurant

2008-10-16T15:17:00.001-05:00

It accommodates 100 seats with each made from toilet bowls. The specialties at the restaurant accompany sink faucets and gender-coded signs that appear on the three-story structure. The food is served in mini plastic toilet bowls. The toilet rolls that serve for wiping hand and mouth are hung above the tables, which may resemble glass-topped jumbo bathtubs.

Text: WHAT MAKES YOUR STATE SO SPECIAL?

2008-10-16T15:14:00.001-05:00

WHAT MAKES YOUR STATE SO SPECIAL?
*
ALABAMA ... Was the first place to have 9-1-1, started in 1968.
*
ALASKA ... One out of every 64 people has a pilot's license.
*
ARIZONA ... Is the only state in the continental U.S. that doesn't follow Daylight Savings Time.
*
ARKANSAS ... Has the only active diamond mine in the U.S.
*
CALIFORNIA . Its economy is so large that if it were a country, it would rank seventh in the entire world.
*
COLORADO ... In 1976 it became the only state to turn down the Olympics.
*
CONNECTICUT ... The Frisbee was invented here at Yale University .
*
DELAWARE ... Has more scientists and engineers than any other state.
*
FLORIDA .... At 759 square miles, Jacksonville is the U.S.'s largest city.
*
GEORGIA ... It was here, in 1886, that pharmacist John Pemberton made the first vat of Coca-Cola.
*
HAWAII .. Hawaiians live, on average, five years longer than residents in any other state.
*
IDAHO ... TV was invented in Rigby, Idaho , in 1922.
*
ILLINOIS ... The Chicago River is dyed green every St. Patrick's Day.
*
INDIANA ... Home to Santa Claus, Indiana , which gets a half million letters to Santa every year.
*
IOWA ... Winnebagos get their name from Winnebago County. Also, it is the only state that begins with two vowels.
*
KANSAS ... Liberal, Kansas , has an exact replica of the house in The Wizard of Oz .
*
KENTUCKY ... Has more than $6 billion in gold underneath Fort Knox.
*
LOUISIANA ... Has parishes instead of counties because they were originally Spanish church units..
*
MAINE ... It's so big, it covers as many square miles as the other five New England states combined.
*
MARYLAND ... The Oujia board was created in Baltimore in 1892.
*
MASSACHUSETTS ... The Fig Newton is named after Newton, Massachusetts .
*
MICHIGAN ... Fremont, home to Gerber, is the baby food capital of the world.
*
MINNESOTA ... Bloomington' s Mall of America is so big, if you spent 10 minutes in each store, you'd be there
nearly four days.
*
MISSISSIPPI ... President Teddy Roosevelt refused to shoot a bear here ... that's how the teddy bear got its name.
*
MISSOURI ... Is the birthplace of the ice cream cone.
*
MONTANA .. A sapphire from Montana is in the Crown Jewels of England.
*
NEBRASKA ... More triplets are born here than in any other state.
*
NEVADA .... Has more hotel rooms than any other place in the world.
*
NEW HAMPSHIRE ... Birthplace of Tupperware, invented in 1938 by Earl Tupper.
*
NEW JERSEY ... Has the most shopping malls in one area in the world.
*
NEW MEXICO ... Smokey the Bear was rescued from a 1950 forest fire here.
*
NEW YORK ... Is home to the nation's oldest cattle ranch, started in 1747 in Montauk .
*
NORTH CAROLINA .. Home of the first Krispy Kreme doughnut.
*
NORTH DAKOTA .. Rigby, North Dakota , is the exact geographic center of North America .
*
OHIO ... The hot dog was invented here in 1900.
*
OKLAHOMA ... The grounds of the state capital are covered by operating oil wells.
*
OREGON ... Has the most ghost towns in the country.
*
PENNSYLVANIA ... The smiley, :) was first used in 1980 by computer scientists at Carnegie Mellon University.
*
RHODE ISLAND . The nation's oldest bar, the White Horse Tavern, opened here in 1673.
*
SOUTH CAROLINA .. Sumter County is home to the world's largest gingko farm.
*
SOUTH DAKOTA ... Is the only state that's never had an earthquake.
*
TENNESSEE ... Nashville's Grand Ole Opry is the longest running live radio show in the world.
*
TEXAS ... Dr. Pepper was invented in Waco back in 1885.
*
UTAH ... The first Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant opened here in 1952.
*
VERMONT ... Montpelier is the only state capital without a McDonald's.
*
VIRGINIA .... Home of the world's largest office building ...The Pentagon .
*
WASHINGTON .... Seattle has twice as many college graduates as any other state.
*
WASHINGTON D.C . ... Was the first planned capital in the world.
*
WEST VIRGINIA ... Had the world's first brick paved street, Summers Street, laid in Charleston in 1870.
*
WISCONSIN ... The ice cream sundae was invented here in 1881 to get around Blue Laws prohibiting ice cream from being sold on Sundays.
*
WYOMING .. Was the first state to allow women to vote.

Link: Charles Barkley Quotes

2008-10-02T16:01:00.001-05:00

http://charlesbarkleyquotes.blogspot.com/

Link: Wrigley Field 2

2008-10-01T15:22:00.001-05:00

Little Cubs Field in Freeport is an exact replica of Wrigley

http://www.littlecubsfield.com/index.php

Text: George Bush Presidential Library

2008-10-01T15:20:00.001-05:00

The George W. Bush Presidential Library is now in the planning stages.

The Library will include:

The Hurricane Katrina Room , which is still under construction.

The Alberto Gonzales Room, where you won't be able to remember anything.

The Texas Air National Guard Room, where you don't even have to show up.

The Walter Reed Hospital Room, where they don't let you in.

The Guantanamo Bay Room, where they don't let you out.

The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room, which no one has been able to find.

The National Debt room which is huge and has no ceiling.

The 'Tax Cut' Room with entry only to the wealthy.

The 'Economy Room' which is in the toilet.

The Iraq War Room. After you complete your first tour, they make you to go back for a second, third, fourth, and sometimes fifth tour.

The Dick Cheney Room, in the famous undisclosed location, complete with shotgun gallery.

The Environmental Conservation Room, still empty.

The Supreme Court's Gift Shop, where you can buy an election.

The Airport Men's Room, where you can meet some of your favorite Republican Senators.

The 'Decider Room' complete with dart board, magic 8-ball, Ouija board, dice, coins, and straws.

The museum will also have an electron microscope to help you locate the President's accomplishments.

Video: The Next Tiger Woods Part 2

2008-10-01T15:17:00.001-05:00

Video: The Next Tiger Woods Part 1

2008-10-01T15:16:00.002-05:00

Link: Man Babies

2008-10-01T15:16:00.001-05:00

http://manbabies.com/

Link: Proper Baby Care

2008-09-25T12:03:00.000-05:00

http://allfunny.net/index.php/funny-pictures/proper-baby-care.html

Photo: Carved Food

2008-09-18T00:41:00.001-05:00

Photo: Flooding in Ireland

2008-09-18T00:38:00.001-05:00

Flooding in Ireland :

If this doesn't tug at your heart strings nothing will.

We've all seen the faces of those ravaged by the floods of Sri Lanka , New Orleans and now in Ireland .

This 'award-winning' photograph of the recent flood waters rising in Ireland captures the horror and suffering there.

The heart and resiliency of the Irish people really shows through.

Text: Investment tips for 2009

2008-09-18T00:38:00.000-05:00

Investment tips for 2009

Maybe I shouldn't give you some of these, but here goes: Investment tips for 2009 for all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks.

Watch for these consolidations in 2009.

1.) Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Co. Will merge and become:
Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

2.) PolyGram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become:
Poly, Warner Cracker.

3.) 3M will merge with Goodyear and become:
MMMGood.

4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become:
ZipAudiDoDa

5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become:
FedUP.

6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become:
Fairwell Honeychild.

7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become:
PouponPants.

8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become:
Knott NOW!

And finally

9. Victoria 's Secret and Smith &Wesson will merge under the new name:
TittyTittyBang Bang

Photo: AMAZING STREET PAINTING 2

2008-09-14T20:23:00.000-05:00

Text: Wine

2008-09-14T20:04:00.001-05:00

For those who wish to have a glass of wine.. and those who don't...this is something to think about.

As Benjamin Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E.coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we would be consuming 1 kilo of poop.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, fil tering and/or fermenting.Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service.

Photo: Russian Cakes

2008-09-14T20:03:00.000-05:00

Text: Blonde Jokes

2008-09-03T18:17:00.002-05:00

BLONDE LOGIC
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida?????'

CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling
smoothly. She says, 'What's the story?' He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor' She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'

SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then todayyou expect me to show it to you!'

RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?' The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. 'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.' The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and
screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you? 'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said. 'Your finger is broken.'

KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded tosee that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!' 'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'

BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!' The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!' The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!' The Russian and the American looked at each other and sh ook their heads. 'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'

IN A V ACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.
Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' 'HELLLOOOOOOO.....,' answered the blond. 'They're watch dogs!

Photo: The World According To America

2008-08-27T23:23:00.002-05:00

Video: Why I didn't make the olympics!

2008-08-27T23:22:00.001-05:00

Video:Everyday Normal Guy

2008-08-27T23:21:00.001-05:00

Video: Everyday Normal Guy 2

2008-08-27T23:20:00.000-05:00

Video: 2 Girls 1 Cup Song

2008-08-27T23:19:00.000-05:00

Video: man show deer prank

2008-08-27T23:18:00.000-05:00

Photo: Interesting Pictures

2008-08-27T22:44:00.000-05:00

Photo: Motivational Posters 2

2008-08-27T22:42:00.000-05:00

Video: Why I didn't make the olympics!

2008-08-27T22:11:00.003-05:00

Link: Collection of Funniest & Hilarious Exam Answers

2008-08-08T17:35:00.001-05:00

http://www.masalatime.com/?p=419

Link: Top 10 Tasteless Cakes

2008-08-08T17:34:00.000-05:00

http://www.bestweekever.tv/2008/07/24/the-top-10-most-tasteless-cakes/

Video: Man gets hit by car in Diner

2008-08-08T17:29:00.001-05:00

Video: Puppy Nightmare

2008-08-08T17:25:00.000-05:00

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Video: Worst Fight Scene Ever

2008-08-08T16:59:00.000-05:00

Text: Great Signs from around the country

2008-08-08T16:42:00.001-05:00

On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

On a Septic Tank Truck sign:
'We're #1 in the #2 business.'

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
'Dr.. Jones, at your cervix.'

At a Proctologist's door
'To expedite your visit please back in.'

On a Plumber's truck:
'We repair what your husband fixed.'

On a Plumber's truck:
'Don't sleep with a drip. Call your Plumber..'

In a dry cleaners window
'Drop your pants here and you'll receive prompt attention.'

Pizza Shop Slogan:
'7 days without pizza makes one weak.'

On a window washers truck in Chicago:
A racetrack is a place where windows clean people.

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
'Invite us to your next blowout.'

On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
'Hello. Can we pick your nose?'

At a Towing company:
'We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.'

On an Electrician's truck:
'Let us remove your shorts.'

In a Nonsmoking Area:
'If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.'

On a Maternity Room door:
'Push. Push. Push.'

At an Optometrist's Office
'If you don't see what you're looking for, You've come to the right place.'

On a Taxidermist's window:
'We really know our stuff.'

In a Podiatrist's office:
'Time wounds all heels.'

On a Fence:
'Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive.'

At a Car Dealership:
'The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.'

Outside a Muffler Shop:
'No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.'

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
'Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!'

At the Electric Company:
'We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be.'

In a Restaurant window:
'Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up.'

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
'Drive carefully. We'll wait.'

At a Propane Filling Station,
'Thank heaven for little grills.'

And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop:
'Best place in town to take a leak.'

Photo: Best Singles Newspaper Ad

2008-08-08T16:37:00.002-05:00

This has to be one of the best singles newspaper ads ever printed. It is reported to have been listed in the Atlanta Journal.

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy, I'll be waiting....

Please scroll down .

Text: Fire Survival

2008-08-08T16:36:00.001-05:00

Did you hear about the fire in the three family walk up in New Jersey?

A black family of six lived on the first floor. They all perished in the fire.

A Mexican family of eight lived on the second floor. They also perished.

A white couple lived on the third floor. They survived.

Jesse Jackson, wanting to cut someone's nuts off for the disaster, demanded to know why the whites survived when the others didn't.

The fire chief said the answer was simple.

The white couple were at work when the fire broke out.

Video: Sprinkler Rainbow Conspiracy

2008-08-08T16:32:00.001-05:00

This lady is retarded....

Text: State Slogans

2008-07-21T01:50:00.001-05:00

Alabama: At Least We're not Mississippi

Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't be Wrong!

Arizona: But It's a Dry Heat

Arkansas: Litterasy Ain't Everthing

California: As Seen on TV

Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother

Connecticut: Like Massachusetts , Only Dirtier and With Less Character

Delaware: We Really Do Like the Chemicals in our Water

Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids

Georgia: Without Atlanta we're Alabama

Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
(Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)

Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes...
Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"

Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn

Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States

Kentucky: Five Million People; Seven Last Names

Louisiana: We're Not All Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign

Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland: A Thinking Man's Delaware

Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden 's

Michigan: First Line of Defense From the Canadians

Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes and 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes

Mississippi: Come Feel Better About Your Own State

Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars at Work

Montana: Land of the Big Sky, the Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, and Very Little Else

Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Nevada: Whores and Poker!

New Hampshire: Go Away and Leave Us Alone

New Jersey: Best tomatos ever!

New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets

New York: You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an Attorney...

North Carolina: Tobacco is a Vegetable

North Dakota: We Really are One of the 50 States!

Ohio: We Wish We Were In Michigan

Oklahoma: Like the Play, only No Singing

Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner

Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal

Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island

South Carolina: We Have Never Actually Surrendered to the North

South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee: The Educashun State

Texas: A Whole 'Nother Country!

Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Vermont: Yep

Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?

Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds and Slackers!

Washington , D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?

West Virginia: One Big Happy Family -- Really!

Wisconsin: Come Cut Our Cheese

Wyoming: Wynot?

Photo: Times When You Just Have To Trust The Pilot....

2008-07-21T01:43:00.003-05:00

1. Tioman Island , Off the coast of Malaysia

2. Wake Island, Pacific Ocean

3. Macao Intl Airport

4. Kuujjuaraapik , Quebec !

5. A rock, off the coast of Greenwood (Canadian Military Labrador Helicopter)

Photo: Worlds Shortest Fairy Tale

2008-07-15T00:28:00.001-05:00

Photo: Fail

2008-07-03T03:19:00.000-05:00